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After 35 - Why It's Different, Why It Can Be Better

As couples approach the middle years, our bodies, lifestyles and responses change. Both men and women have physical, psychological and hormonal changes which are normal, gradual and subtle. The changes can even improve a couple's life!

For women, some of the changes are caused by menopause, which occurs when female hormones decrease, bringing a halt to menstruation. On average, that happens in the early 50's. But the process often begins in the early to mid-40's and spans four or five years. During this premenopausal period, a woman's vaginal tissues may become thinner, drier and slower to lubricate. She may lose protective fatty tissue in the pubic area while gaining weight elsewhere. Once pleasurable, intercourse may now feel uncomfortable, even painful.

Not understanding these natural physical changes, she may complain that her husband is being too rough and withdraw from. Her husband may mistakenly believe she has lost interest in him.

Men go through hormonal changes too. Testosterone, which influences a mans drive, reaches its peak between 20 and 30 and gradually decreases thereafter. A French study of 1408 healthy men ages 20 to 60 showed up to a 25 percent decline in testosterone over four decades. This is why products such as Natural work for some since, they often result in more free testosterone in the body). Primarily as a result of reduced blood flow, a middle-aged mans erections are not as firm as when he was young.

However, none of these changes should interfere with a full life. For example, if a woman has vaginal discomfort, the solution may be as easy as a shift of position during intercourse or use of an inexpensive, over-the-counter water-soluble lubricant. A 40-year-old man's softer erections don't prevent him from reaching orgasm.

Indeed, experts say the changes themselves can actually enhance the relationship and make for better - if the couple discovers ways to capitalize on them. Here's how to have the best after 35:

Reset the pace. "in the young is fast and furious," says Dr. Herant Katchadourian, professor of human biology at Stanford University. "It ignites and fizzles out like fireworks." A man in his 20's achieves orgasm within two to five minutes after intercourse begins; his female partner may take 20 minutes or more to reach her peak of excitement. "While she's still warming up, it may be all over for him," says marriage, family and child counselor Bernice Itkin of San Francisco.

But as a man ages, the tempo changes from allegro to largo. Because of a normal slowing of blood flow and changes in muscle tone, men in their 40s or 50s require more time to reach a climax, and their orgasms are less forceful.

Now a man's timing more closely matches the woman's. He may become more in tune with her interest in slow, sensuous seduction. With this kind of synchronization, it's no coincidence that women respond enthusiastically. According to a 1994 University of Chicago study, women in their 20s are least likely of all age groups to achieve orgasm during intercourse. Women in their early 40s are most likely - and by a wide margin. By concentrating on how he is increasing his partner's pleasure, a man can increase his pleasure as well.

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